Almost a decade ago, Justine bought a small recording device. In this second episode of the series with her grandmothers, Justine talks with Louise and her second husband, Arnold, about how messy, wonderful, challenging, and inspiring long-term relationships can be.
Grandma Louise was born the youngest of eight children in Maryland but quickly moved with her family to south Florida, where she lived, as she recalls, without shoes much of the time. Louise had three children with her first husband, Jim, and eventually became a teacher of English and Spanish after starting her marriage before finishing college. After 22 years of marriage, Jim asked for a divorce, and Louise recalled she had low self-esteem, thinking “Who would want me?” She then found Arnold, who was willing to have the tough conversations she so desired and never achieved in her family of origin or first marriage. Arnold loved to travel as much as she did. They spent much of their marriage after their kids were grown in an RV, as well as two years in Beijing.
Arnold was from Boston, specifically Dorchester, and was Jewish, which Louise loved and found endlessly interesting, preferring in her later years to attend a synagogue rather than a catholic church. A solid New Englander, Arnold embodied the combined classic dry sense of humor and scrappy resolve. They were married for 45 years.
Show Notes:
- Book we mentioned is The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran, one of the best-selling books of all time. A fun fact is that when Gibran emigrated from Lebanon to the US at 12 years old, his family settled in Boston. He was an artist as well and had works shown in galleries even prior to being published as an author.
- Louise loved language and where words came from. Here’s a description of the word argle-bargle/argy-bargy.
- Louise’s tips for a long-term relationship:
- One blind eye and one deaf ear: don’t see and hear everything; as Gibran wrote, “let there be space in your togetherness”
- Kindness is the rent we pay for our space on Earth
- I’m raising children, not furniture: material things don’t matter compared to our relationships
- The last chapter hasn’t been written: You can always change your mind and do something new
- Don’t spend so much time thinking about and looking forward to the future; you end up wishing your present life away
Some Nerve is a weekly podcast for people who have the nerve to show up, talk about hard things that matter, and share our secrets. On Some Nerve, we discuss all the stuff your grandmother wouldn’t have wanted you to talk about at her bridge party. Topics will include whatever makes us feel human, like mental health, grief, trust, boundaries, and joy. We hope that understanding each other better will help us build deeper connections in our lives.
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